Dear Teachers, I have something to say…

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Dear Teachers,

I have something to say to ALL of you. Brace yourself because this is the brutal truth. I just want to say ‘thank you’ for all of the hard work you do. I become so stressed helping my eight-year-old with his homework. I’d much rather round up a 100 cats and teach them how to juggle. I think it would be easier. You all are amazing! I don’t know how you do it. And you do it five days a week while getting paid less than what you deserve. You all are superheroes. You deserve recognition more than once a year which is Teacher Appreciation Day. No. You should be getting recognized daily! In case no one has told you, today, you are amazing and a superhero.

 

Sincerely,

S.E.Isaac

 

For your safety…

For your safety, do not make eye contact with my middle son. **For those who don’t read my blogs usually, he is my son with autism, mood disorder, going through puberty and monitored for schizophrenia.**  Keep your head down. Even an accidental glance can get your head ripped off like T-Rex did in Jurassic Park. If you run into this creature, lower your head and slowly walk backwards to where you came from. Again, avoid eye contact!!!!!

If the said son engages conversation with you, just agree to whatever so you can quickly escape the room. He is very very emotional the past week. I am not sure what has shifted in his schedule. I know the teacher said they got new students on Monday, but maaaaaaaan, is it really the new students triggering him? He has been hell of wheels. Yesterday, I had to go pick him up after school because he decided to throw a 2-year old, diva tantrum & refused to get on the bus. ( My blood sugar level was high & I was still in my pajamas. Booty shorts and a tank top. Needless to say, I threw a lava-lava on and made my way to school. I am sure I scared those in the office. **Shrugs**)

The time between him finishing getting ready for school until the bus arrived was like walking on eggshells while waiting for a ticking time bomb to go off. He spent about an hour complaining about how much he hated school, which teachers he despised, and why school sucked. I went parent mode and explained why he needed to just deal with it. (I didn’t use those words. Otherwise, I would have needed a spray water filled with holy water) 

I didn’t realize they actually sold this!!! Comes in different sizes for your convenience. https://conjurework.com/product/holy-water/?v=7516fd43adaa

 

I am currently sitting on pins and needles waiting for a call from the school. I gave him his medications at 6am instead of 430 am. I am hoping the meds will keep him more relaxed at school. However, last year, I had to do 430 am because he was falling asleep during class. SIGH. It’s never easy. Being a special needs parent is a trial & error (Hell, parenting in general.). Special needs parenting isn’t a cake walk. There are medication trials to see which one is the best fit. Doctor trials to see which one best suits your son. (My son needs a Family Care Provider, Optometrist, Podiatrist, and a Podiatrist specialist for his braces that they are making as we speak) Finding the perfect teacher is like trying to get a Lamborghini for the price of a happy meal at McDonalds. My son is hell on teachers. He has had some amazing teachers, but he doesn’t think so. One of the few he has listened to was 6’5”+, linebacker built, man. But that teacher went on emergency leave so my son got shifted to a new class and my son hasn’t liked school since. (This was last year by the way.) My son does better with tall black male teachers or thick Polynesian women. (I think because usually, they are tough love teachers. My husband is Samoan. My son doesn’t play around with him. lol) But I can’t exactly go to an IEP meeting and request one or the other. People will think I am racist (I am a plus size, biracial woman by the way for those readers just now tuning in), plus it’s hard to come by teachers in special education with those characteristics.

Hopefully, my son mellows out again so that school isn’t dragged through hell because of my son.

It can only get better right? ❤

Happy Reading & XoXo,

S.E.Isaac

❤ ❤ ❤

Maybe the storm is over…for a while

As many of you know (those of you who read my blogs. 🙂 ), I have been down in the dumps. My depression has been a HUGE pain in the ass!! Like seriously. Ugh! I hate having depression, anxiety, etc. Usually my medication helps, but not the past few weeks! 😦 BOOOOO! Mental illness is not fun to live with. However, it is something that needs to be talked about.

Link: https://afsp.org/campaigns/talk-about-mental-health-awareness-month/

 

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I always say this, but I am here if any of you need me. I know we haven’t met; however, that doesn’t mean I don’t care. You can always reach me at www.facebook.com/monsterinthecookiejar (my Facebook page). Message me there and I will respond asap!! So just know that you can always reach out to me, if you need advice, need to vent, need a shoulder to cry on, or just need someone to talk to.

 

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Things have calmed down inside my mind. Hopefully the storm (depression) is done for a while. I know it will never be “over”. That’s just something I have come to accept. It’s enduring through the storm that can feel overwhelming. Thankfully, I have a good support system (friends & family) & my Asian soap operas to take my mind away from the storm.

How do you handle your mental health? Even if you don’t have a mental illness. How do you keep your mind from being overwhelmed? Let’s talk about it. You never know, your words may help someone. ❤

Happy Reading & XoXo,

S.E.Isaac

 

 

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Is there a rule?

I actually had to tell myself, today, that I would be a responsible, productive adult! (YUCK) Is there a rule saying that I have to be this adult once my kids are at school? Can’t I just sit around and think about all of the things I should be doing.? Instead of doing them, I can just imagine that I’ve done them? I think this should be a new rule implemented for adults immediately. I’m just saying. But then I suppose that there are some adults that will take this to the extreme. Their houses will end up being taped off by biohazard tape from the lack of cleaning. Lots of houses will end up without water/sewage, electric, etc. because bills aren’t paid. Maybe there should be a requirement to this rule. (HA)

 

So much to do! So little motivation!!!

 

Did I mention that I quit drinking soda and coffee? Cold turkey at that. Next is going to be limiting my salt intake drastically. I don’t use much salt but when I do…maaaaaaan, I end up looking like that marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. Like seriously. Ridiculous. What else am I giving up on? Hmm….I feel like there is something else, but nothing comes to my mind at the moment.

My angry Samoan (hubby) found a Bowflex, in perfect condition, and get this…it was…FREE! OMG! So, I’ve been putting it to some use. I took two days off, because the Bowflex whooped my ass. But in my defense, I did workout on it five times in one day. Which was stupid on my part, considering I hadn’t worked out that hard in a long time. Today my workouts begin again but I will have to either limit the intensity or limit the amount of times I workout on it. Any of you out there personal trainers that can offer advice? Or any of you work out plastic surgery offices or weight loss spas? I could use some tips from any of you. I’ve been debating on trying that cool sculpting. I just looked it up so I could post a link for you all to see what the hell I am talking about. Apparently, calling it ‘fat freezer’ isn’t appropriate for me to use. There is actually a medical term for it- Cryolipolysis (a non-invasive body contouring treatment used to reduce fat cell volume by freezing).

Either way, this is something that I’m curious to learn more about. Any of you ever tried it?

I bet I could save a ton of money, if I could just become friends with this guy!!!!!

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Parenting Log: Day ‘too many to count’

 

My son with special needs: autism, mood disorder, schizophrenia and puberty! Yes, I feel that puberty should be listed as a mental illness for children. Same thing with menopause. I mean, look at how your mind shifts! Anyway…He’s been doing better. He goes on his tangents of wanting to be ‘King Alex’ (his words, not mine). That is the narcissistic personality. That personality/mood drives me crazy. I always have to ask him, “Which one of us is the parent?” To which he usually responds with, “My house, my rules!!!” Um…little boy, that is not how this household works.” (HA)

My youngest got in trouble at school for a drawing. This really surprised me because this is not like him at all. Apparently, the kids were given bags to draw on. My son and his little buddy decided to draw tombstones! However, his little buddy scratched his out at the last moment. My son got busted. He had a tombstone for: dad, mom and baby. He says that wasn’t us. Still creepy. On the other side of the bag threatened anyone who touched his bag. Something along the lines of: If you touch my bag, I will find you and beat you up. I don’t think he’s ever seen the movie Taken, but doesn’t it sound like a clip from that. Ugh. I was so embarrassed and disappointed. Totally out of character.

My face when I learned of the bag drawing!

Him and I had a LONG chat about being appropriate, having integrity, and being self-disciplined. I told him that friends like that aren’t your real friends and will just drag you down. Sad that I have to have this conversation with my 3rd grader. I rather have this conversation now while he’s still willing to listen to me. Don’t want to wait until he’s older and I’m getting phone calls from principals!

I didn’t tell hubby so hopefully he isn’t reading this! If so, sorry, youngest son. You’re probably in even more trouble now! (HA)

 

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I have a friend who is a blogger. She always writes such long blogs. Her blogs aren’t boring though. I often find myself drawn into them. I wish I was like her. I feel that my blogs are probably used by all of you to read, if you’re having trouble sleeping. (Big Sad Face!)

But hey- at least you’re reading them. 🙂

Happy Reading & XoXo,

S.E.Isaac

Summer Depression?

I have seen so many posts on social media with people expressing their sudden anxiety, sadness and/or lack in doing things. I have, also, talked to several friends who have expressed the same problems. You see on shows, when it is summer time, people running around, enjoying the sun, laughing, and having a good time. But it’s just that…a show. In real life, summer is just like the other three seasons. It can bring just as many stressors. I am personally experiencing the anxiety, sadness, and lack in doing things. (Grant it, I do suffer from anxiety and depression- I do take medication for them both- however, this summer my meds aren’t helping much)

What are some of my stressors this summer?

1. My two younger sons are out of school for summer break. They have been out of school since the end of May.
2. One of the two younger sons has special needs. (I mention him a lot in my blogs. He has autism, mood disorder, schizophrenia, and going through PUBERTY!)
3. Trying to entertain the boys without going financially in the hole.
4. The two rarely like doing the same thing. One is a social butterfly and wants to play with others 24-7 and the other one wouldn’t care if everyone fell off the planet.
5. Being an author is stressing me. I am losing interest and hope in my writing ability. It used to be fun. Now I find myself wanting to cry when I see that I have had no sales for so long.
6. Even when I do find the spark to write, something is going crazy in my house. (i.e. youngest is mad at YouTube, 13 year old is mad at youngest who is screaming at YouTube, 13 year old is having an outburst and verbally/physically attacking me)
7. My weight. I want to not look in the mirror and want to cry. Yes. This is a very personal stressor to share with all of you, but it is reality. I don’t want to hold back & make all of you, who are reading this think that I am ‘perfect’ in any sense. I am very unsecure. I had to go on medication for my depression/anxiety/etc. a few years back. The medication was Abilify and I gained sooooooo much weight. But it was medication that makes me gain a lot of weight or me staying with suicidal idealization. Now, I am back on track mentally (for the most part), but my weight is slapping me in the face.
8. Because of my weight problem, I have recently cut out soda and coffee. Let me tell you, cutting myself cold turkey, during summer break, and having the boys home is/was a HORRIBLE idea.
9. Not having date nights with the other half. It is almost impossible (unless my mother is here) to find someone who can watch AND handle my 13 year old. His track record with babysitters is the reason that I am a stay-at-home mom and cannot work. I desperately want to work. That’s another stressor…
10. Being stuck at home all the time, unless I am with the family or grocery shopping by myself (Yay, me! Hanging out with the people in Walmart. That’s always fun and stress free. **Eye Roll**)
11. Having no friends here. Because of my family issues, I am unable to make friends. My family is all I have. I have friends online, who I love dearly and appreciate. I just wish I was able to hangout with them face to face. Go places with them. Sit at a restaurant or bar somewhere, sipping on drinks, having a few appetizers and laughing about stupid stuff. However, I don’t have that.
12. Jealousy of others. Seeing the posts on social media of those I know going out and doing things. Having fun. Living life to the fullest. It gets me in a slump. It isn’t their fault. And I would never blame them for sharing with the world their happiness. I’m just being a party pooper. (Shrugs)

The list can go on and on. My point is, we’re all struggling. Sometimes we need to sit down, make a list of our stressors and tackle them or at least reflect on them. I know I was reflecting on my stressors as I was typing my list. Most are out of my control. I am hoping that knowing what my stressor is that I will be able to accept it or at least cope with it since I have identified them. Does that make sense of what I am trying to say? I hope so.

Despite my super long list of stressors and chaotic life, I do want to let you all know one thing…I am ALWAYS here if you need a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. I may be multi-tasking as I do it, but I am always here. Don’t ever think that you are alone in this world. Don’t ever think that you aren’t appreciated. Don’t ever think that you have to walk alone in this world. I am here for you. Always.

Happy Reading & XoXo,

S.E.Isaac

 

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** National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number**

• 1-800-273-8255

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https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

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https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/

 

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Images from Bing search.

Put on your dancing shoes…

I am happy to announce that this ^^^^ will be me (Yes, all four) on August 13th! My neighbors are going to think I’m nuts. AND…I don’t care. I am so ready for summer to be over. For multiple reasons. I am well aware that school isn’t a daycare. However, it does give my children time to play with people their age. Why do I want them playing with kids their ages?

1) I do not want to play Call of Duty 24-7

2) I do not want to play nerf guns 24-7

3) I cannot afford to go “do something” every single day 24-7

4) I do not want to go swimming in the pool 24-7

5) Unlike them (my kids), I am okay with being bored 24-7

(Incase you haven’t noticed from previous blogs, I LOVE doing lists. Yes. I know. I am weird as they come. **shrugs**)

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Another reason that I will be thrilled for school is the fact that World War III, in my house, will finally be over. Eight year old social butterfly, who wants to play video games, run all day and have nerf gun wars + a thirteen year old autistic, going through puberty, has mood disorder and schizophrenia = SEND IN THE EFFIN’ TANKS!

Holy hell! These two can fight about who is breathing more air than the other one. I have come to the point, where I (a) pretend to be asleep (b) pretend to be deaf to any and all noise made by them. When I don’t do A or B, I find myself stressing to the breaking point. I already have depression, anxiety, etc. They are multiplying it by a thousand, when I allow them too.

And, yes, you perfect parents, I have taken away their electronics, put them in timeout, made them do consequences, etc. etc. so you can shove your good parenting advise up your…

Okay. Enough of that. How are all of you? 🙂

Happy Reading & XoXo,

S.E.Isaac

You should be reading! Here’s a link to some good books 😉

 

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Captain’s Log

Day…too many to count.

Once again, I have embarked on an unwanted journey. A journey that pushes me mentally and physically to limits that are unknown to man/woman. Yet, it is a journey that I MUST go on. It’s the journey known to many of us. It’s known as Parenting a Special Needs Child (Specifically one going through puberty who has autism, mood disorder and schizophrenia). This is not a safe journey for anyone along for the ride.

There isn’t a disclaimer sheet prior to your mission (journey), in fact, you’re lucky if you get a heads up that you are going on a lifetime journey. You are just launched into it face first.

This is a list I have put together. This is not a complete list, just the shell of things.

1. No one is safe.
2. Hand-to-hand combat may be needed.
3. Going outside the compound/base is not recommended.
4. You will either go bald or have a head full of grey hair before the journey ends.
5. You will begin to question everything about yourself and the world around you.
6. Your weight will teeter-totter due to depression and anxiety.
7. Self-esteem will diminish.
8. Friendships will be limited to Ben & Jerry and anti-depressants.
9. Relationships will be pushed to their limits. Lucky if you can find someone willing to embark on this journey with you and be your anchor.
10. There will be days of complete hopefulness.

 

Another day at our house…

Happy Reading & XoXo,

S.E.Isaac

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Shame On Me

 

I don’t know how life keeps slipping past me. Every time I think I have my life together something arises. But I guess that is life, right? It’s shitty- Just for the record.

Ever since the dog attack, my life has seemed to become unraveled. Not completely unraveled. I guess that is the brighter side of things. It’s amazing how one pull of a thread can cause so much damage. Dog attack = depression = slacking off = more depression = slacking off more =reality kicking in = having to bust my ass to catch back up (thus why I haven’t posted in a few days. 😦 )

My wounds mentally and physically are almost all healed. I can sleep through the night without needing a sleep med. I can walk past the doggie door without freaking out. I can listen to dogs barking without looking around. So I am almost 99% functional again. (HA) My arms make people stare. They most likely think that I am a cutter. I have scars all over my forearms. They scarred really weird. However, I am just thankful that I have my life so I will take the scars and the stares ❤

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Parenthood

I may be going through some depression; however, that cannot stop me from being a mom. Sometimes you just have to suck it up, do what you have to do and cry later. That’s what I’ve been doing. I am open to my kiddos about my heart being broken about the dog. They just don’t know the extent of how it affected me. Does that make sense?

My kiddo with autism, mood disorder and monitored for paranoid Schizophrenia is in a new school here in Las Vegas! This school is amazing. It is a special school for kiddos just like him & it is set up like a vocational school. From Kindergarten all the way to 12th grade these kiddos learn trade skills. For example:

• They have a mini recycling center. It has the temperature, noises, and lights set to how it would be at a real recycling center. There is a trash compactor the kiddos get to operate with supervision. The students at the school are responsible for going through the trash and separating the recyclables. Then they take it to the real recycling center! 🙂
• Culinary/cafe class. Students there get the feel of a food trade. Faculty will go in to buy a cup of coffee. One of the students will be responsible for taking the money & out change if necessary. Then there are other students prepping the food, cooking, using the industrial dishwasher, bussing tables, being a hostess/host. Then they take field trips to a sponsoring catering company that will let those students use their learned skills in the outside world.
• There is a garden center. All the plants that the students grow are edible so if a kiddo slips a piece in their mouth, they are still safe. (I love the fact the school took that into consideration) The students from the culinary class will place an order and the garden center students will have to gather the plants and then deliver them to the culinary class. Where the culinary student has to sign a delivery sheet 🙂
• Laundry Center- Culinary students have to wear a uniform so after their class they have to wash the uniform
• Independent living. They have a kitchenette, dining room set up & the student will invite a staff member to come over. then the student prepares a snack or meal. they have a conversation then the staff leaves at the end & the student cleans up the kitchen and dining room area. This is great for independence and social skills
• Graphic designs (i.e. yearbook, magazines, fixing school website)
• Office Center- Students get to learn to do clerical skills

I began summarizing the list because there are so many details to each of these classes/centers.

The school has sponsors like a popular culinary company here in Las Vegas, Goodwill, the trash company, and a lot of other companies in the trades that the students learn. These companies allow the high school students to go there and volunteer. Then when they are seniors, the transitioning representative from the school works with the sponsors to get the students a job before they graduate! How awesome is that!

These kiddos have special needs but are not being forgotten by the system! I absolutely love this school. Even as I write it, I am tearing up. As a special needs parent, you worry about your child’s quality of living. Don’t get me wrong, I worry about my other kiddos quality of living too. It’s just that they have it a little easier than my child with special needs. My kiddo with special needs doesn’t see the world as it is. He is super smart, but there are a lot of things, even basic things, that he has trouble comprehending. People always say, “Oh. He doesn’t look special needs.” …”Well, Susie Q, he is!” (GRRRR) That’s the problem with society. They think that being special needs is suppose to look a certain way. Just like everything else in life, it comes with diversity.

Sorry, bit of a tangent. (HA)

Anyway, I am just super blessed that my son’s path has crossed with this school. I am super excited to see where the path leads ❤

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Well, I suppose I will leave you all be…for now 😉

Will post more in a bit (And I mean, today, not in a week like I did last time…sorry again)

Happy Reading & XoXO,

S.E.Isaac

❤ ❤ ❤