Review of The…

Half-ass spoiler alert!

I complained on Facebook, but for those who don’t follow me on my Social Media accounts, let’s recap the Green Knight.

Synopsis from IMDB:

An epic fantasy adventure based on the timeless Arthurian legend, “The Green Knight” tells the story of Sir Gawain (Dev Patel), King Arthur’s reckless and headstrong nephew, who embarks on a daring quest to confront the eponymous Green Knight, a gigantic emerald-skinned stranger and tester of men. Gawain contends with ghosts, giants, thieves, and schemers in what becomes a deeper journey to define his character and prove his worth in the eyes of his family and kingdom by facing the ultimate challenger. From visionary filmmaker David Lowery comes a fresh and bold spin on a classic tale from the knights of the round table.

---

Recap/Tangent from Me:

The main character is an upper class man, Gawain, who is nephew to the king and has a prostitute as his lady. This guy’s mother dabbles in magic and conjures trouble while he’s at a party with/for the king. Groot’s big brother or uncle shows up to the party on a horse with a fancy ax. Groot’s uncle challenges the Knights of the Round Table to a fight. They aren’t having it. They don’t want to fight a demonic plant-looking dude. Gawain stands up and accepts the challenge.

Fast forward past the spoilers, a year later. We get to watch Gawain ride a damn horse for five minutes straight! I didn’t have my timer so it could be a minute or two more or less. The entire scene was pointless. Plus, Gawain was rude and didn’t talk to the children, who followed behind him shouting ‘the Green Knight’ or whatever it was they said. Gawain was a snob. It was around this scene that I decided it was time to go refill our popcorn and my mom’s drink because I was dozing off (several times!) My mom and I kept sharing glances and whispering “what the hell is this?”

This is when the even weirder stuff starts happening. I don’t want to give away too much but the kiss was a bit much! If you read the book, this part makes complete sense. However, we never read the book so after the kiss, my mom and I stared at each other like deer in headlights. Oh, almost forgot the naked giants. One was breastfeeding, which is fine, but had NOTHING to do with the storyline AT ALL! Okay, this is turning into a ramble. Sorry. There was just so much wrong with this film. Cheesy, boring, nothing to do with the storyline, etc., etc.

I don’t promote drugs but I imagine if you watched The Green Knight, while intoxicated in some form, you might think this movie was amazing. However, mom and I were sober but definitely needed a drink afterward because we left not knowing what the hell we had just watched. The storyline was all over the place (kind of like this blog! :-p ) and nothing added up to make sense. Especially the ending. I wish I was a blogger that spoiled movies, but I try not to be. All I can say is do NOT watch this movie! Unless you’re trying to torture yourself or someone you took to the movies with you!!!

---